The first week of middle school, my daughter’s teacher gave her an assignment to have her parents write a short paragraph explaining which is more important, time or money. I started really thinking about the answer. Tears came to my eyes as I started writing, and writing. I wrote so much that I was embarrassed to send it in to the teacher, thinking I must be the only crazy parent who would write a mini-novel about the topic. She probably only wanted a sentence or two. I still have not found the purpose for the assignment. There were no papers displayed on the walls at back to school night, no response regarding the missed assignment, no other assignments related to the topic. But, I know what I will tell my daughters one day, when they are ready to have children of their own: What is more important, time or money?
Money is more important until the point that you have the necessities of life: food, shelter, and clothing. After that, once you have a child, time is more important than anything else in the world. Time slips through your fingers faster than salt water in a sand toy on a beautiful Cape Cod summer day. Once you have a child, every moment of her life is a precious gift.
When Sydney was born, I had to work. I hadn’t imagined how much her little life would change mine. Or how much I would want to spend every minute with her. Or how not spending every minute with her would be the greatest regret of my life. I hated dropping her off at daycare each morning. I hated not being the one to put her down for naps, swing her on the swings, read to her, and play with her.
It took a few years, but eventually I was able to stay home. This was about the time my second daughter, Madison, was born. Our family had to struggle and sacrifice in order to allow me the dream of being a stay-at-home mother. We sold a car and bought an old clunker, we cancelled vacations, we bought very few clothes. We didn’t go out to eat or to the movies. A couple of Happy Meals at McDonald’s was a big afternoon outing. It was the happiest time of my life.
In the beginning, I still had the hurried, hectic mind-set of a working mother. I was determined to continue getting up at 5:30am each day to get dressed and get the house cleaned. I planned activities for us: daily crafts, drives to different parks, walks in the woods, dance classes and mommy and me classes, playgroup, soccer. I joined a Mom’s Club to get out of the house and make some friends, as well as find some playmates for my daughters. My first year home I was so afraid I would be bored and have nothing to do all day. Also, I didn’t want to bore my kids. I wanted to make them happy.
Gradually, I relaxed and we started to slow down. I realized that we didn’t have to always be running somewhere. We found that some of our favorite days were “pajama days”. We’d stay in our pajamas and play puzzles on the floor, make grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies from scratch. The time would fly by. I would put the girls in the bathtub and let them play with bath crayons and toys for sometimes an hour. We’d get dressed just before my husband came home. We never turned the television on once. We turned the radio on and we danced.
Some days we would get up early and make sandwiches. If it was cold, we’d go to the mall. We found a mall with a neat playground and we’d meet friends there. We played at the toy stores and read books in the bookstore. We tried lipstick samples on at the cosmetics store. The only money I spent on those days was the pennies I let my girls drop in the fountain. I didn’t miss a single moment of their lives.
I watched both my daughters grow from bald babies with toothless smiles, to busy toddlers on the run, to proud pre-school graduates. We may not have as much in our retirement fund as we would like, but that will come later. The memories I have of our days together are worth more than gold or diamonds. And when my girls are away from me, they have those memories too. They know that I am never far away, that I love them more than the world and that I would do anything for them. I hope that this will carry them through some rough days at middle school or high school or the rest of their lives.
My girls are both in school now, they are in second grade and sixth grade. Now that they don’t need me as much, I have returned to work. It’s a struggle sometimes, balancing their activities and keeping the laundry done while working full-time. But they don’t need my time as much anymore as they once did. Now I need to contribute to the retirement fund, save for their college, and pay for the soccer and gymnastics that make them so happy and proud of themselves. The scale has shifted again and money is more important now.
So, what is more important, time or money? It depends on where you are in your life. But pay attention, and don’t forget to set your priorities. You don’t want to let your life pass you by.